Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples who want less distance, less blame, and a bond that feels safe again.
Not you. Not your partner. The pattern between you.
Most couples who come to therapy are not short on love. They are caught in a pattern: one partner's way of protecting themselves sets off the other's, and each reaction seems to confirm the other's fear. In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we call this the negative cycle.
Underneath it are attachment needs: to feel safe, to matter, to be able to count on each other. When those needs go unmet, we protect ourselves, and the protection, whether pressing, pushing, withdrawing or shutting down, can look like the opposite of what we want.
Each partner has a cue, a meaning they make of it, a feeling in the body, and a way of protecting themselves. Where one partner's protection lands becomes the other's cue.
Together, we build a new cycle: one where each of you can reach for the other, and be met.
We map the pattern together and name the cycle, not either of you, as the problem.
You share the vulnerable feelings and needs underneath, and your partner learns to turn toward them.
We practice the new cycle, so it holds when stress returns.
Every couple arrives with a different story. These are the foundations we return to.
Identify the negative emotional patterns that threaten trust, and make room to be open with each other again.
Explore what secure connection looks like, and build the sense of safety that comes with a loving bond.
Learn to listen with empathy and meet conflict with awareness of your partner's inner experience.
Write a relationship mission statement that gives purpose and direction to the life you share.
Demanding careers, public lives and full calendars put real pressure on a relationship. I work with couples where one or both partners are in these worlds.
Virtual sessions for couples located in PA, NJ, CT and FL.
These are the shifts people often describe over time.
Step out of the argument you keep having, and see what sits underneath it.
Learn what your partner is feeling and needing, and be understood in return.
Rebuild the sense that you are on the same side.
Return to tenderness, play and trust.
Many couples find it helpful to think about their pattern before the first session: what sets it off, what you tell yourself, and what you do to protect yourself. This map is for reflection, and we will work through it together in session.
Download the cycle mapWe meet online on a secure video call, at a standing time that fits your week. I work with private-pay clients and provide a superbill for possible out-of-network reimbursement. Virtual sessions are available in PA, NJ, CT and FL.
What to expectIf you want to explore your own patterns, individual therapy offers a depth-oriented space for that work.
Individual therapySchedule a consultation to talk through what brings you both in and whether we are a good fit.